


so i spent my evenings pullin' stars out of the sky

by exceed



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Character Study, Constellations, Gen, Pre-Canon, also during canon, i'm so gay for carol danvers it's wild, not even kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 11:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18093161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exceed/pseuds/exceed
Summary: “Aquila,” Vers murmured under her breath nearly a year after she had first woken up, heart racing as she sat at the edge of her bed. No matter what she did, it kept beating faster and faster- there had been a flash of something she didn’t remember, again, a life that had never been hers and something that put a deep-set terror in her bones. “Altair, Alshain,” she said, voice nearly a whisper, “Tarazed, Al Thalimain. Draco…”(A year and some change ago, a world away on Planet C-53, Carol Danvers had recited the constellations as if her world would fall apart if she fell silent, mere minutes away from the end of all that she knew.“You can stop that now,” Wendy Lawson had snapped at her, an odd tension in those words as they swerved around green beams of- something. “You’re not an astronaut- pay attention, keep on track, evade them-”)Vers- or Carol Danvers, as it turns out- cannot help but find solace in the stars and all of their forms, despite amnesia and years of training.





	so i spent my evenings pullin' stars out of the sky

**Author's Note:**

> carol danvers / brie larson can step on me, god i love her
> 
> saw the movie yesterday, couldnt stop internally hollering!! so i made this in a bit under 24 hours and it's time to chuck this up here so everyone else can see it. space gays unite. fuck yon-rogg and the supreme intelligence

No matter what she did, her wrongdoings always seemed to boil down to one thing.

“Stop being so _emotional_ , Vers,” another Kree said during a training session, side-eying her and Yon-Rogg as the latter kicked her to the floor yet again. “You’ll get wiped by the Skrull immediately, at this rate.” Like always- like always, _always_ \- they glanced up at her mentor as if to tell him to get her in line, get her harnessed, back on some kind of short leash that had never existed in the first place.

Yon-Rogg just gave a sharp nod, turned to her again, and raised an eyebrow as if that said everything. “Up. Again. Control those powers or you’ll be in here ‘til you’re dead on your feet instead of getting a meal.”

Vers could only seethe, red flowing to yellow that flowed to white running under her skin, could only seethe and pick herself back up and go to throw another punch that would never land.

“Again,” he barked when she was thrown back, hitting the wall with a _crunch_ that she ignored. It’d be fine. “I accepted this position that the Supreme Intelligence so thoughtfully gifted me and by the _stars_ , Vers, you will learn something from me if I die trying. Who saved you, again? Whose blood coursed through your veins when the Skrull were about to finish you off half a cycle ago?”

“Yours,” she bit out, bracing herself on the wall as she glared daggers into his head. “I know, Yon-Rogg, this isn’t old news, I’m _trying_ -”

_“Not hard enough, apparently!”_

She drew her lips into a thin line, took a step forwards, and promptly got flipped right back onto the floor where she had been only a minute earlier.

“ _Again._ ”

Vers had nothing for him but a snarl as she picked herself back the fuck up, ignored the buildup of pure energy right below her fingertips, and sprinted at him once more.

 

* * *

 

Vers couldn’t remember anything.

No childhood, no ‘proper’ schooling, _nothing_. She was simply a blank canvas that had been saved from being a splatter of blue blood on some surface, taken back to where she belonged and starting back from scratch with a mind like a black hole.

They built her back up from her fragile foundations, gave her a purpose when nothing else but the stars had any hope of guiding her. In those first few months, there had only been a few constants; the facts that were being drilled into her about her home, her _people,_ the unstable power that hummed under her skin, and the vast breadth of the galaxy laid out before her in every form imaginable.

Vers hunched over large maps of the Kree Empire, memorizing every star that held either a major historical event or a tactical point against the Skrull. She maneuvered holo-ships through imaginary stretches of enemy space like her life depended on it. She mumbled imagined names for star-sectors and their subdivisions under her breath when she couldn’t sleep, her gasps quelled with the game she played with herself- the stellar expanse guided her just as truly as the Starforce and the Supreme Intelligence did, keeping her on track when nothing else would.

She needed that steady hand of the cosmos now.

“Aquila,” Vers murmured under her breath nearly a year after she had first woken up, heart racing as she sat at the edge of her bed. No matter what she did, it kept beating faster and faster- there had been a flash of something she didn’t remember, again, a life that had never been hers and something that put a deep-set terror in her bones. “Altair, Alshain,” she said, voice nearly a whisper, “Tarazed, Al Thalimain. Draco…”

_(A year and some change ago, a world away on Planet C-53, Carol Danvers had recited the constellations as if her world would fall apart if she fell silent, mere minutes away from the end of all that she knew._

_“You can stop that now,” Wendy Lawson had snapped at her, an odd tension in those words as they swerved around green beams of- something. “You’re not an astronaut- pay attention, keep on track, evade them-”)_

“Thuban, Rastaban-”

“Vers.”

Her head jerked up at the sudden words to meet the frigid gaze of Yon-Rogg. Why was he even there? It was the usual time to sleep, was anything wrong, had he noticed anything-

“Vers.”

“Uh- yes?”

“Did you even remember your low-visibility environment training?” She stared blankly at him, blinking rapidly as her heart beat in doubletime, and watched him groan before motioning her to move. “Fifteen minutes, room K-07, don’t be late. If you are…”

They stared at each other for another solid second or two. Yon-Rogg’s eyes narrowed.

“Why were you up if you didn’t remember the training?”

She gave a start at that question, standing up steadily even as anxiety crawled over her skin in an unexplainable matter. “Um- nothing-”

“Nightmares? Again?”

Vers immediately shook her head. “No, sir, everything’s alright and under control. I’ll be at training on time.”

He stayed there for another moment before sighing, turning away, and striding off. She exhaled in relief, turned around in her little room, and started to change clothes by rote even as she kept murmuring nonsense under her breath. “Eltanin, Altais, Tyl…”

Predictably, she was late to training, exhaustion heavy in her eyes and mind running through sets of data that didn’t sit right within her mind.

Somehow, she didn’t mind the extra training that came afterwards. It ran her mind to the point of silence.

 

* * *

 

She would give anything to become a part of Starforce. Her life was dedicated to the cause as it was, and what better to venture off to border planets and fight off the infiltrating Skrull until they were eradicated from existence- there would be no rest until they were all gone. Vers knew that.

There was always a smile on her face when Yon-Rogg told her that he’d be gone on a mission, a small sense of happiness even when she was put under more lessons or trained under even harsher combat mentors.

Sometimes, Starforce was gone for merely a few days. Sometimes, they were away for weeks.

Once, they had been gone for months on a mission she hadn’t even been warned about. That time had been full of nothing but more training, learning, and the odd experience of a true break when it was usually filled with some member of Starforce occupying her time.

The first time that had occurred, she had stayed in her quarters, drifting about the tiny space without any concept of what to do.

Every time after that, she had wandered her way over to the spacecraft hangars, running her hands along the smooth metal while her mind drifted from thought to thought of sky, stars, and the spaces in-between. Sometimes, it seemed almost as if something else was going to happen; a small, furry creature rubbing up against her legs, someone approaching her with dark skin and a friendly smile- but neither fleeting thought ever occurred. She only stood there, alone as other Kree passed her, and left to return back to the training that was becoming as familiar as the blood coursing through her veins.

Yon-Rogg looked grim when he returned, Minn-Erva still bloodied and Korath in some form of coma on arrival. Even four, five years after she had awoken, it seemed like her mentor could only get stronger and stronger- there was something deeply furious seeping out of him when he trained her after getting back, eyes hard and mouth set. Each hit had been brutal, their tough skin giving way to bruises once they had finished, Vers gasping for breath and Yon-Rogg standing still, staring her down.

They hadn’t talked that day.

Starforce did the important missions. They were the most vital group in the war they were fighting, scouring every bordering land and beyond until they found where the threat was, and they endured life-threatening conditions to make sure they carried out their plan. Others had joined Starforce before; many had died. They were the elite, the strongest, the fastest- hell, she trained with them and they easily outpaced her even years after she had joined.

They were awe-inspiring- but it didn’t stop them from giving her a dissatisfied look, citing that she wasn’t ready, even four, five years after she had started training under Yon-Rogg.

“Maybe if you were training since birth, you’d have a chance,” Minn-Erva told her once, looking through her sights and firing once, twice at two targets on the practice range. “Even with those powers of yours, you aren’t cut out for this. Might be worth it to stop trying.”

Vers wrinkled her nose at Minn-Erva and went to fire off some shots of her own, squinting down the sights in a poor mimicry of the other Kree. “I’m working on it, if you haven’t noticed. None of you may think I’m ready, but I was put into training for some purpose-”

“Like the light from your hands?”

She turned to meet an utterly unimpressed gaze, one eyebrow arching artfully upwards on Minn-Erva’s visage. “Not just for that, I’d hope.”

The blue-skinned Kree snorted and turned back to firing at new targets. Vers huffed and did the same.

“You know, it’s been four years-”

“More.”

“Four years and thirty-seven days, I know, whatever- since I woke up.”

Minn-Erva said nothing. Her expression made it clear that she didn’t care. Vers charged onwards, keeping the energy within her from coming out with her emotions.

“I’ve been training my hardest, and I’ve learned everything I can- all the star sectors, all the formations, everything to combat the Skrull-”

“That doesn’t matter,” Minn-Erva cut in, standing up in one smooth motion. “What matters is if you work well with us, and it has been proven that you do not. Your shooting is still lackluster. Your fighting, even moreso.” A gimlet eye turned to train itself on Vers. “Your caring does not matter. Your skills do.”

The sniper strode away, brushing her hair to one side with one hand as the other carried her rifle easily. Vers glared after her and suppressed the bubbling passion, rage, dedication-

She had to be under control, had to push down those strong emotions. She’d never go on a mission if she was so easily riled up..

_Eridanus; Achernar, Cursa, Zaurak…_

 

* * *

 

The Supreme Intelligence had a startlingly sharp gaze, a pale face framed by pale hair, green eyes, and a wide smile.

Vers, clad in true Starforce uniform, couldn’t help but look around, mouth slightly agape as she took it all in. It was here, finally, finally- her chance to fight the Skrull infiltrations even if the rest of the force didn’t think she was ready. She could almost beat Yon-Rogg now, getting close every time, and finally, her chance was _here-_

Her energy sparked back up again, and Vers didn’t even try to stop it this time.

The Supreme Intelligence only had a smile for her, emerald eyes glinting in the shifting landscape.

Finally, she could do some good in the world.

 

* * *

 

Somehow, this world felt familiar to her.

Vers’ eyes picked out sections of the sky, putting now-rote names that she had recited anywhere and everywhere to them.

How were these pinpricks of light… How were these stars, as seen from this world, the ones that she had been making up and dreaming of for years?

How had those memories that had been pulled from her head so strong? She had heard the names of her imaginings in those, too- a small hand pointing up at a starry sky, picking apart sectors and calling them ‘constellations’. Someone else explaining them to her in words that she couldn’t parse, telling of gods and myths and legends.

False. The closest thing to a god there was would be the Supreme Intelligence. To say so was heresy- had her parents been heretics?

Vers shuddered at the thought before some sound blared in her ears, making her start, raise her now-glowing fists-

A pale-skinned native sat in a vehicle, staring wide-eyed at her jumpiness.

_Go figure,_ she thought dryly _. First encounter with a native and I look like both an untrained idiot and someone who’s trigger-happy._

_Might as well go make a better impression, then._

 

* * *

 

Pegasus. Nick Fury. The Skrull.

Vers’ mind whirled with all of the information that she already had paired up with what C-53 was giving her, the planet’s plain and blunt exterior belying all of the details of society and secrets within. This society, even if its technology was far from up to par, was so much more complex than other worlds she had studied or visited; if the Skrull were able to fully infiltrate this planet, disaster would strike.

They would have a stronghold to utilize against them, and with their prior knowledge of advanced technology they could launch C-53 into a battle it never asked for.

She took a deep, shaking breath, and tried to calm herself after her heart started racing from the possibilities.

It all depended on Pegasus.

...Wait. Where had she heard that name before?

Her fingers tapped on the side of the vehicle that she and Fury were sitting in, the latter driving her to wherever the operation was located. Each little tap of her fingernails hid a shift of the energy wanting to leave in a burst as she picked through every memory she had.

Pegasus rung a bell.

“Pegasus,” she murmured quietly, staring out the window. “Pegasus…”

“What about it now?”

Vers glanced over at Fury, dismissed him, and looked back out the window. There was something just on the edge of her mind- oh, _fuck._

She turned back to Fury.

“...Tell me, is there a star-sector that the people of C-53 call _Pegasus?_ ”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “If you mean a constellation and a myth, sure. Why?”

Her mouth twisted into a frown as she turned her gaze forwards. “Because I’ve known that since I woke up six years ago and I don’t know why. I thought- I- I thought I was making up names for stars and star-sectors, but...hm.”

“Six years ago?”

She waved off those intense eyes and sighed. “Nothing. Just no clue why I know what the people of this planet call the visible star-sectors.”

Fury hummed as if he wanted to know more.

Vers didn’t grace him with the pleasure.

 

* * *

 

She was a being of the land, the sky, and the stars.

Vers- was she even Vers, now?

Who was she, really? Was she Carol Danvers, a resident of Planet C-53 that had been presumed dead after a flight to who-knew-where, or was she Vers, Starforce member with a good shot and power under her fingertips?

She looked out the window, whispered the constellations and the stars they held, and tried to quell her shaking hands.

“You’re still doin’ that, huh? After all this time?”

Vers...Carol blinked at the voice, turning to find the woman who claimed to be her friend right near her. “Maria,” she murmured, eyes flickering away after just a second. She- she didn’t know this woman, not really, not even with the pictures that had been shown to her, not even the kid that looked up at her like she had hung the stars she spoke so fondly of. “I…”

“You used to recite them in your sleep,” Maria mentioned in an off-hand manner, eyes glinting with an emotion Carol couldn’t properly identify. “Hell, I could’ve sworn you were in space every time you slept. You should’ve been an astronaut, you know that?”

She smiled faintly. “I guess I am one now, huh?” A pause. “...Maria, I still don’t remember a lot. I’m- I’m not the Carol you remember, and this all must sound crazy, but-”

Maria gave a quick, bitter laugh. “Of course you ain’t the Carol I remember, not one hundred percent, but you’re pretty damn similar. Always going on about the stars, staring at the sky like you’d take off on your own, given the chance.” The corners of her eyes softened. “Monica’s learned the constellations for you, did’ja know that?”

A knock sounded at the door.

They all froze.

“I’ll go get that-”

“No,” she told Maria sharply, hand retreating to her hip. “It could be a Skrull, we don’t know. Stand back.”

Of course, it ended up being a Skrull, and it ended up having and _knowing_ something that shifted her world as she knew it.

 

* * *

 

Carol opened up, and she _remembered._

She remembered being beaten down to the ground and picking herself back up again. She remembered memorizing every star in the sky and their stories, each name repeating in her dreams like an endless mantra.

Every time she nearly blew up in anger, they came to her aid. Whenever she was nervous enough to start shaking, when her emotions ran too high or she needed to calm down or she was lying awake in the dead of night, they had been enough to lull her back to whatever state she needed to be. She had started of a creature of the land, had worked on becoming a pilot in the sky; but the stars were where she found her solace, where she made a makeshift home, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to let those she once called her own destroy another’s last hope in the stars.

Carol seethed, she let her emotions run high, and for once, she recited those familiar names like a lance as she remembered what she was fighting for.

She wasn’t fighting for the Kree. She was fighting to let someone else have a chance to find a home where she did, and Carol let that passion wrap around her until her fists were white-hot, until even the Supreme Intelligence looked scared, until the landscape started to shift around them-

_Pegasus; Markab, Scheat, Algenib, Enif-_

-and the world around her started to burn.

 

* * *

 

Carol wouldn’t fight the war. She would end it on her own terms, the Skrull would have a place to call their own, and no matter if it was the last thing she did, she would make the universe a place where all could take solace within the cosmos.

No matter what.

 

* * *

 

A long, long while later, a pager started to ring.


End file.
